Extrodinarily Me

My weekend was definitely an exciting one ! I was given the opportunity to be the key hairstylist and makeup artist for a short film called “The Cut”. I just recently jumped back into hair in make up after a long break.

The team I worked with was amazing and made me feel right at home on set. I saw the inside of how making a film from idea to script really comes together .

(SCENE:The Cut)

I truly enjoyed the director (Tim)who was also my lead actor and (Alexis) the lead actress. The were so easy to work with. I usually work on the other side of the camera but 2 yrs ago I wanted to try something different. I started doing make up and it seemed as though I got no support at all. Even my just business cards were criticized by the people closest to me. Fast forward two years  with a ” Your Dreams ” speech and so much love in my life I’m back at it and this is my second shoot in two weeks.  Did I mention I have another shoot today!

For a while I really just didn’t have it in me to pursue this aspect of my dreams but with the right people behind you pushing you and supporting you, things begin to come together. I’m so thankful for my support system . Word can’t describe how thankful I am. Now I’m able to get back to one of my greatest passions. #Setlife

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 FLYING MONKEY!

The term “flying monkey” is widely used by mental health professionals to describe individuals who enable narcissist and do their bidding.

Unfortunately I’ve dealt with a flying monkey on two different occasions with two different relationships. 

I understand relationships/ marriages end sometimes meaning there will be another person that comes into your ex’s life…My hope was always that I could at least see my children’s fathers with respectable women that I could grow to trust with my children but so far that hasn’t been the case..

They always find a flying monkey!

Regardless, in my successful quest of removing myself from those relationships I had to make the decision  to stop engaging the flying monkeys because at the end of the day they are a non factor..

At first I was ready to let any flying monkey have it because they don’t know me and they choose to take the side of a person who they already know is a flat out liar. I wanted to prove so badly that I had been misrepresented but, when it’s all said an done they didn’t care about what was true . 

So I stopped the back and forth through social media because it doesn’t do anything for me or that individual it serves the purpose of bait for the toxic person who started all this mess. There is no need to convince someone that I’m right when I know they know the truth.. 

For some people a lie serves a better purpose of covering up wrong doing then to actually tell the truth and be looked at for who they really are. The real them isn’t  attractive even looking in the mirror. The real them would get looked down upon by the average person that they probably work with or spend time with  if they knew the truth ..

So of course hiding behind a lie seems like the best option.. but the truth always comes out eventually.

Honestly it’s better to let them just experience it  all themselves because they are defending wrong doing. 

Why??? Who knows why??? 

I would never defend or purposely attach myself to anybody who I’ve seen dog someone else out or mistreated someone but thats me. I’m not going to defend or attach myself permanently to someone who has lied to me when they had no reason too. A person who shows shady character and no integrity. Somethings just don’t make sense.

I just don’t have the time or energy to give to these people anymore . I know lies are gonna be told because self image has to be protected and it easier to be a victim then to self correct . Nobody wants to put two and two together and you could send them a bible of reciepts to prove yourself to be true it will do no good. 

So if you are experiencing a flying monkey. My best advice would be let them have it let them think they’re winning . Let them trash and slander you and proclaim your defeat to the world because the same person they are flying for will eventually show them their true colors … by then you will have moved on and found real happiness .

Life without toxic individuals is way better then with them.. smile and thank GOD for loving you enough to remove you from that situation!

©TheGermanBeauty

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BLAST OFF

It is so exciting to actually live your dreams and not just talk about them!! 

Two years ago I stepped back in to the entertainment world after a 6 year hiatus  . My goal at that time was just to add another source of income to my life in preparation for moving to the west coast but things changed quickly. 

Knowing God the way I do if it’s not his plan he will turn your life up side down! Plans changed quickly!!! Needless to say I didn’t move. 

I God showed me that the safest place to be was Atlanta. Lucky for me Atlanta is currently little Hollywood so it makes so things are great here for new actors and aspiring artists.  For me my life revolved around modeling , but I’ve redirected to acting and I am loving every minute. 

I already have  a lot on my resume from movies, tv, and I did a two year run as a video model “not for me at all” but I tried it.

2016 was my first leading role for a Web series first featured BG role in a feature film released in theatres. I just feel so blessed right now to have these doors opening up for me . GOD shut me down for the ultimate win!! 

It’s crazy to talk face to face with actors and actresses you’ve watched on t.v and in movies and have them tell you they can see something in you. Not only that my kids are now following in MY footsteps also doing commercials and feature films as well. My youngest daughter just filmed her t.v debut  on one of the top primetime shows on B.E.T and she’s being looked at for a recurring role on another network show .

Life Is amazing right now finally seeing success with the dreams I’ve had since I was a child. God blessed me with so many talents and I allowed myself to place them on the backburner for a goal God had nothing to do with . 

I was headed in a direction for years where I had no real support for my dreams and no way to achieve them but I’m back on track now and I’m traveling..!!! 

 Something I never do cause I hate planes but guess what when you really want something and God says go you go!  No fear ! No doubt ! No questions! My team “My family” never stopped believing in me and has supported the vision so all I can see now is success success success!!

#HAMBONE

    ©TheGermanBeauty

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My World !

My world is honestly better than its ever been .. because for the first time in 9years when I go to bed at night I’m not wondering about him

I’m no longer sitting around looking  for the man  I’m suppose to be married too.

I no longer have to sneak around at night and check his phone to see who he’s been texting or talking too.

I no longer have to worry about him making me into a fool that seat now belongs to you…
I don’t have to worry about the online dating sites or him sneaking around on social media

I sleep in peace, I live in peace, I can finally love and be someone’s peace.
I don’t have to hear my friends say girl you deserve better 

No more lies or 4 page apology letters

I dont have to smell the smoke or listen to every lie under the sun

It took this to get me to walk away from him but rest assured I’m definitely done

He claimed she was his $$  looks like now he’s going to be paying some 
Well that’s unless she continues to stay dumb …

 I mean you were pushing for Justice with both our girls guess you finally got some .

She knew who I was but hey for both of you it was all fun

The funny part is she’s already just like me cause you already been kicking it with a  new one …..

 she said you were a great man not knowing how you don’t give a damn about anyone but yourself 

I was seen as the enemy when I was trying to protect OUR vows, myself and OUR wealth, the seeds we planted that have now been irreversibly damaged but ….no one cared

She didn’t care about you taking care of OUR children as long as she had you there

I wonder if our daughters are going to feel that your decisions were fair

Or maybe your son but you know how it feels to be him you were never unaware 

So now she got what she wanted but you will never be true??
You have a lot to say about your father , what are your kids going to say about you 

It’s sad that you lied and denied her seed you planted .. I guess both of us tricked you none of it was ever romantic.

From what you’ve been doing behind closed doors it’s seems as if your not through 

To think you just mentioned me being barefoot and pregnant again.. I’m so glad I know you.. The real you

So if there was even a question my world is fine .. I spent way to many years with my eyes closed pretending to be blind

I prayed for years that some how we would  stay intact but nothing you can ever say or do  will get me to come back 

I LOVE MY NEW WORLD.. 

©TheGermanBeauty

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GOD’S JUSTICE

Your harvest…..

GALATIANS 6: 7-9 (KJV)
7: Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 
8: For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. 
9: And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. 

GOD knows I’ve done my fair share of wrong in this life just like anyone else but at what point do you look at yourself and decide you no longer want to continue to live your life that way. I spent my late teens/ early 20’s in a physically abusive relationship and marriage I should have never entered into.  I had no idea what I was signing up for and before I could blink I was pregnant with my first child. Yes at 18  I was a legal adult but mentally I was still a child. I walked into adulthood backwards and took terrible steps on my way to where I am now but I understand that mentally I was not ready for the life changing decision I made. Those situations lead me into a chain reaction years of bad decisions and bad karma. As I came to realize  how much I needed to change my actions and began to move in a Godly direction things got a million times worse for me . Everything I knew to be true in my life fell apart. People in my life and even people that I didnt know me at all went on a mission to hurt me. I know for a fact that when you live your outside of GOD, purposely trying to destroy people you will reap whatever seed you place in the ground. So knowing that has kept me sane knowing that not only will those individuals get what’s coming to them but GOD will make sure they feel what I felt . The more I’ve self corrected and tried to be a better person the more I tried to push my way towards just living a better life for my children the more evil I’ve seen from people which has only shown me I’m headed in the right direction.

Everything you do will equal out!


Repercussions +Consequences + long-term effects=

KARMA – The total effect of a person’s actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person’s existence, regarded as determining the person’s destiny, especially, in his next incarnation. 
 What goes around comes around. 
 Your actions all have consequences. Don’t ever be fooled into thinking that your actions don’t have consequences. Don’t think you can get away with bad choices even if you don’t seem to get “caught” Remember verse seven tells us that God cannot be mocked. He sees it all. You reap what you sow.

©TheGermanBeauty

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Self  Justification

My ex never fails to amaze me. After the last year of lies arguing and infidelity followed by apology letters for some reason I thought this man had learned his lesson. Now Im finding out after a recent Facebook message from a girls mother trying to investigate who he really is I was wrong . I am now 100,000 percent sure that he is a lost cause. I truly believe people have the ability to change and learn from their past but for this guy I don’t even think it’s remotely possible.  For you to be able to correct your mistakes and grow from them  you need to know right from wrong. 

I understand  that this concept I learned as a child was not taught to everyone. A lot of people were brought up on self justification of actions. Now, don’t get me wrong everybody has done something they shouldn’t have done. My issue is with people not being able to see or rationalize right and wrong.

For my ex this is a lifestyle and honestly I lived it with him for a long time. I kinda believe that’s why we were attracted to each other in the beginning of our relationship. I at that time was very much in the wrong with several of my decisions including my decision to let him in my life and have a relationship with him. I justified everything going on at that time to fit what I wanted when it was wrong plain and simple. No matter what way I put it I was wrong and deep down I knew it.

This situation always brings me back to my grandmother telling my cousins and I when we were younger “Find and marry someone brought up with the same morals and values you were and that will be your foundation for a successful marriage”. 20 years later I understand what she meant. If I was brought up on right and wrong a relationship with a man brought up on self justification would never work. 

For my ex he is still gravitating towards people who will justify his actions to fit what they want or live that lifestyle with him which for him is best. For a long time I didnt know what to call people like that but my pastor calls them yes men. He also says they are the most dangerous people to have around you if they will watch you do wrong and won’t correct you. I think my biggest mistake in all of it was thinking that if he would justify our wrongs together that he wouldn’t in fact justify doing wrong towards me. 

You know the old saying “The way you get them is how you lose them”. Well it seems to have been true for me and it’s looking to be true for the one who thinks that shes has him now but hey she deserves whatever comes her way. I’m just glad to have the opportunity to have that foundation with a man who will live his life righteously with wise counsel and self correction.

I’m also proud of myself for going back to my morals and values I was raised on. I’m happy I realized that having a man is not more important than me being the best person I can be in this life. I dont have to settle I can get an all around TEN! Who wouldn’t want the whole Godly package?! I know Im worth the best GOD has created.  I know what I want my reflection and mate to look like.
©TheGermanBeauty

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 Sunshine 

You really don’t know how happy you can be until you make up in your mind to be happy no matter what happens. I’ve experienced so much hurt and pain in such small amout of time that I sometimes don’t know how I made it through and still smile but I did. I won’t let anything or anyone  steal my joy.

I won’t lie for moment I did break.  I got petty I became bitter and for a brief moment I was dangerous. Looking back on it now it was all GOD . I was resting in complacency. I wasn’t living to my fullest potential in GOD. I wasn’t being the woman I needed to be and GOD stripped me of almost everything.

I tuned out GOD’s voice .I was doing whatever I thought I needed to without asking what was required. GOD shut me down and in those months where I lost everything I gained a stronger faith in HIM.  The loving feeling of knowing GOD has control over everything. NO ONE IS GETTING OVER ON GOD! Not even me.

Those where my look yourself in the mirror moments . The days I stopped worrying about the people who were trying to hurt me and realized God would take care of that situation. I had to say to myself “What makes you happy”? “Who makes you happy”? Put yourself in the presence of those things and people and live. Forgive and forget. Write your feelings down if you need to but stop letting it consume you. GOD needs to stay the focus. 

Since then I’ve enjoyed just about everything and everybody in my life. Loving all over friends and family spending more time with my kids. Ive made time to experience new things and just truly enjoy being happy. Happiness come from inside you and once you find that everything else will fall into place. Life is good right now and I’m thankful for each moment.
©TheGermanBeauty

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We Survived Hyperemesis Gravidarum

Today is  Hyperemesis Awareness Day  May 15th} I still find it to be mind boggling that most people have no idea what this disease is. For those who haven’t heard of  Hyperemesis it is an extreme form of pregnancy sickness that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids. It affects 1 to 3 percent of pregnant women. HG can lead to weight loss malnutrition and dehydration. In severe cases it can lead to miscarriage and it can also be fatal.After going through the experience I wanted so badly to find more women like me .

 While I spent time searching the internet for groups of women who survived HG I also found the stories of death , grief, PTSD and divorce associated with this disease. So many mothers have lost their lives , their friends and their children to HG. I will say that my diagnosis came as a complete shock because I already had three children and never heard of HG before.

I was throwing up 12times a day dehydrated and completely not myself . I was so sick I couldn’t do the basics with my children of getting up and getting ready for school. Without the support of my parents daughter Sophia niece Quala’jai and a few good friends. I don’t know how I would of made it .

For 8 months my children watched me deteriorate. I lost 32 pounds , the ambulance was called to my home twice on one occasion I can’t even remember why the EMT’s were there I just woke up with five men standing over me. By the time I reached 33 weeks I had lost my ability to sit up and walk which put even more of a strain on my parents.

My dad became my children’s full time parent taking them to school all doctors appointments and anything else they needed. He also became my full time caregiver while my mom was working. My mom took care of all my personal needs with my daughter and niece helping me take showers and get to the bathroom.The fact that I couldn’t do anything for myself  was the most devastating thing I’ve gone through. I was completely unable to hold anything down and had a picc line inserted in my arm for 12 hours of  feeding and fluids.

Death soon became a feeling that consumed me daily but I found myself becoming comfortable with the thought of just not being here. I began to express my feelings to my mom and cry with her daily. My pain soon became unbearable so I did what most people do I went to google for answers and found my way to a chiropractor in my area. After just two visits I regained  my ability to sit up and walk with a walker . My third visit would be the thing that I feel set me free. Two hours after my session at 35 weeks and six days my water broke.

I called my oldest child into our living room with me alone and told her that it was time and I may not come back home or may be coming back without the sister she was excited to have. She told me that if I didn’t come home that she would help take care of my other kids but God was in control and everything would be ok .The next few hours were focused completely on keeping me and my daughter safe .

My blood pressure skyrocketed my daughters heart rate continued to drop to an unsafe rate I began to panic . I was told that I had an infection and would have to be put on antibiotics in hopes that the baby would not be affected . All emergency teams were called for stand by and at 10am I delivered Ava. I immediately knew some thing was wrong they took her and didn’t give her back . My mom assured me that she was fine but the doctors soon let me know they were concerned about her lungs and she had tested positive for the  infection.

I spent the next few days at the hospital anticipating our release knowing that I was not prepared and had nothing at home for her but my family, friends and church came through for us . Ava is now 4 months old and though we are not out of the woods yet and we have a few medical issues to fix I can say that we made it .

I’ve worked hard to live a healthier life style and gain back the weight I lost. My body is still trying its best to get back to normal. I still have days where I’m nauseous or have extreme headaches and fatigue but nothing will ever compare to the days I was pregnant. I hope that this blog will peak peoples interest in this disease and it brings awareness. So many woman are suffering with no help no support and no understanding. I thank God for my support system.

©TheGermanBeauty
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What Really Matters

The picture you see above is a young woman her husband and their newborn child. A couple who were celebrating the birth of their 5th child together.Taken just 3 weeks ago it was one of the last she would take. A beautiful woman was called to heaven this past week at 36 years old. This woman’s name is Charity.

I never did anything more than sit in the same room with Charity but, her presence changed my life for the better. Charity has spent the last years of her life spreading the gospel of Jesus in Madagascar with her family. During this time Charity was diagnosed with cancer. Charity fought her cancer into remission but it returned to attack her body. During her second fight with the illness, Charity found out she was pregnant and was told by doctors to terminate the pregnancy. Charity was told her life would be cut short if she kept the baby. Her faith in GOD lead her to keep that child and, because of that selfless decision Charity left this world last week.

In her life and her passing Charity changed lives and inspired people. In her short 36 years, she was able to impact the world. Her departure from the world caused many questions in my mind. Why her? Why her family? Why not someone else? Why not me? I suffered greatly during my own pregnancy last year.The doctors told me several times that I could lose my own life having my daughter Ava. I had nurses at my home weekly I lost 30lbs and my ability to sit up or walk. Towards the end of my pregnancy, the pain was so unbearable that I would lay in bed with my mother and cry for hours. I had made up in my mind that I was ready to go but today I’m still here. Today I celebrate my 30th birthday and today Ava is 3 months old.

Today I am here and Charity is not. Although I have questioned GOD I know I don’t have that right. The only thing I know is that GOD doesn’t make mistakes. Charity fulfilled her purpose here and at the same time helped me search harder to find my own. Knowing her sacrifice I choose to make the most of my time here. What really matters are my children, my family and, living a life to serve others and spread the gospel.

Charity did that! So today I honor her and I pray her family will continue to see her harvest. I pray her children will one day feel and understand the legacy that their mother left here.  I pray that her husband finds peace.  Thank you, Charity for helping me to see that I’ve spent too much time on things that don’t matter at all.

R.I.H Charity Jertberg

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