Extrodinarily Me

My weekend was definitely an exciting one ! I was given the opportunity to be the key hairstylist and makeup artist for a short film called “The Cut”. I just recently jumped back into hair in make up after a long break.

The team I worked with was amazing and made me feel right at home on set. I saw the inside of how making a film from idea to script really comes together .

(SCENE:The Cut)

I truly enjoyed the director (Tim)who was also my lead actor and (Alexis) the lead actress. The were so easy to work with. I usually work on the other side of the camera but 2 yrs ago I wanted to try something different. I started doing make up and it seemed as though I got no support at all. Even my just business cards were criticized by the people closest to me. Fast forward two years  with a ” Your Dreams ” speech and so much love in my life I’m back at it and this is my second shoot in two weeks.  Did I mention I have another shoot today!

For a while I really just didn’t have it in me to pursue this aspect of my dreams but with the right people behind you pushing you and supporting you, things begin to come together. I’m so thankful for my support system . Word can’t describe how thankful I am. Now I’m able to get back to one of my greatest passions. #Setlife

Am I Involved With An Assclown? (Reblog)

I found this blog and was like whats that? It’s a great read check it out!

Am I Involved With An Assclown? How To Spot Someone Who Means You & The Relationship No Good

Am I involved with an assclown? How to spot someone who means you and the relationship no good

An assclown is someone that deliberately and consistently goes out of their way to treat you without love, care, trust and respect. They add little or no value to the relationship and the cost to you of being with him/her is often your self-esteem, your well-being, and in some instances, your career, family, friends, finances and more.

They only have one foot or possibly even a toe in the relationship, or even nothing at all, and they knowingly (even if they deny it) mess you around and enjoy the fringe benefits of being with you (ego stroking, sex, a reliable shoulder to lean on, money etc) even though they don’t actually want you or have no intentions of ever giving you the relationship that you want. 

Often mixed in with Mr / Miss Unavailables, while some unavailable folk are super shady because they actively and knowingly seek to mistreat, exploit, and abuse people they’re involved with, not all unavailable people are assclowns, especially because their ‘fallback’ counterpart (the person they’re involved with) is also emotionally unavailable.

All assclowns are emotionally unavailable, are narcissistic or certainly have narcissistic tendencies, in some instances are sociopaths, but whatever label you might want to put in psychiatric terms, bottom line is that they don’t mean you any good, regardless of how charming they can be at times, and they veer between, at best, being users and at worst, being very dangerous.

You know they’re an assclown when they rely on The Outrageous Principle and busting your boundaries – They’ll take a chance and ask or do the most ridiculous thing to test to see what they can get away with, and with your little or no boundaries, taking this risk often pays off. They’re always trying to push the boundaries and have little or no respect for any that you enforce. Basically if you have boundaries, a relationship with an assclown cannot and will not work (you are unlikely to give them the time of day in the first place or for very long), because they on do things on theirterms.

You know they’re an assclown when they have an ‘I’m Not That Bad’ attitude and outlook – They’ll often compare what he/she deems to be worse to cast themselves in a better light and won’t consider something to be bad if they don’t think that there’s been a tangible and severe enough consequence, i.e. what would typically be the natural consequence of mistreating someone – that person not having anything to do with them anymore. They’ll believe that they’re ‘not that bad’ if they believe that you don’t know the true extent of their dubious actions plus, coupled with his/her selective memory (see below with The Reset Button), they see themselves in a near glowing light anyway.They then back up their ‘I’m not that bad’ attitude by justifying it with ridiculous utterings (see below).

You know they’re an assclown when they liberally press The Reset Button – They possess a special ability to reset the relationship to whatever point that he/she feels most comfortable with, which is effectively like erasing the past. This is how they breeze their way back into various exes lives, disappearing for long enough and then bamboozling his/her way back in and trying to force out the memory of their misdemeanours. You’ll either remember them but be so fricking relieved to have him/her back and feel like you’ve ‘won’ that you go along with their brainwash or you’ll try to reason with them and explain your point of view about past events and they react negatively, effectively teaching you (see below with passive aggression) that if you ‘remember’, they’ll be offski and/or difficult to deal with.

You know they’re an assclown when they shed Crocodile Tears – He/she uses tears with little or no sincerity in them that are used to get what they want. These are often mistaken for evidence of emotion, or remorse. Unfortunately it fits in well with pressing The Reset Button and shifting the focus off their bad behaviour or the impact on you.

You know they’re an assclown when they use The Drip-feed move – Instead of being upfront and giving you all of the information, he/she makes the private decision to only tell you what they think you can handle at that time. Then it’s drip…drip…drip. Unfortunately for you, if you’re an eager listener willing to believe they’re reformed or that they’re keen to be honest, you’ll take their latest drip as the truth and then become unseated when it turns out that you’re basing your relationship on another half-truth. You are very likely to be caught out by this if you’re in denial about who they really are and don’t want to let go of your illusions.

You know they’re an assclown when they engage in Future Faking – Letting you think that there’s a future so that he/she can get what they need in the present, you’ll be spun tales, taken on whirlwind rides where they promise the sun, moon and the stars, be told that they want to have babies, get engaged, get married, buy a house, and may even show pony you around to friends and family, and then shazam, the future’s not so bright. When you call them on their rinky-dink behaviour, they look at you blankly, say you misunderstood, say that you didn’t meet his/her standards, or claim that they just need ‘time’ or that it turns out that they’re not over their ex, or even worse, they’ve been shagging someone else the whole time while they’ve been spinning tales. You’re very likely to be caught out by this if you buy into the fairy tale illusion and don’t think it’s very odd when a someone you hardly know is making grandiose promises and gestures that start to dwindle sharply. In fact, you don’t find it odd when someone wants to fast forward you through the initial stage of the relationship.

You know they’re an assclown when theyamend the ‘terms and conditions’ of the relationship – Constantly switching the goalposts after luring you in on a temporary deal where you probably didn’t read the small print, little do you realise that they’re mentally tweaking up the ‘agreement’ with every boundary busting move they can manage. Tied in with their future faking, they reserve the right to withdraw the offer at any time or to roll out a different deal and if you want to be with him/her, it’s their way, or no way.

You know they’re an assclown when they do the ‘Showing You The Door’ act – Dumping you to gain power and control, or giving you periodical ‘opt-outs’ – ‘If you don’t like how I roll, you know where the door is….’. They use insecurity and fear and the prospect of telling you to beat it, to keep you in check. You’ll fall foul of this especially if you ‘cry wolf’ and engage in Women Who Talk (and Think) Too Much syndrome because they’ll realise that you’re crying and talking/complaining, but not going anywhere, and so recognises that the threat of him/her going or them disappearing after you voice any opposition, will create maximum impact, possibly even silencing you.

You know they’re an assclown when you get caught up in their passive aggression – Despite appearing to be on board, they obstruct and undermine through resistance that let’s him/her do as they always intended. As an example they’ll agree to go somewhere with you and to pick you up at a certain time. You hear nothing from them on the day and an hour after they’re due to show up, they say they’ve got problems at work and will be there soon. You wait. They call throughout the evening and then say that they’ll be there about 10 minutes before the event is due to finish… It’s the same when they say, ‘Of course I’ll be faithful’, and then they continue shagging around behind your back, or they claim that they’ll move in and then come up with every obstructive move possible. If you don’t get wise to this very quickly and keep buying into their lies, you will be stuck in The Disappointment Cycle.

You know they’re an assclown when they rely on The Status Quo – A behaviour that’s also seen with Mr/Miss Unavailables, assclowns also try to keep the relationship in their own comfort zone by blowing hot and cold and managing down your expectations. What separates an assclown from someone who is unavailable but not shady, is that they have lots of other dodgy or downright outrageous behaviour that they’re doing while managing down your expectations.

BAGGAGERECLAIM.co.uk

Oh Boy!

I have no clue if you’re around or not but your son keeps coming to me in my dreams

He tells me his nicknames, what he likes to eat, and all his favorite cars and teams

Last time he came he said see mommy everyone isn’t the same

I paused….

He said he came to me long before he made it here but he left me because all he could feel was my pain..

Her twin…

He said his sister’s are warriors his brother is his Idol

They love to play super heroes but you are his favorite one with that title…

Daddy can do anything,I love to hear him sing, he dances like a Billy goat…

I don’t even know what that means..

I just know we call him mocha because the sun loves to kiss his skin

His hair red  and brown he’s tall and very thin..

He won’t let me look at his face, he just says mommy I’m my daddy’s twin

Sigh …My heart finally smiles then he leaves again…

   ©TheGermanBeauty

 FLYING MONKEY!

The term “flying monkey” is widely used by mental health professionals to describe individuals who enable narcissist and do their bidding.

Unfortunately I’ve dealt with a flying monkey on two different occasions with two different relationships. 

I understand relationships/ marriages end sometimes meaning there will be another person that comes into your ex’s life…My hope was always that I could at least see my children’s fathers with respectable women that I could grow to trust with my children but so far that hasn’t been the case..

They always find a flying monkey!

Regardless, in my successful quest of removing myself from those relationships I had to make the decision  to stop engaging the flying monkeys because at the end of the day they are a non factor..

At first I was ready to let any flying monkey have it because they don’t know me and they choose to take the side of a person who they already know is a flat out liar. I wanted to prove so badly that I had been misrepresented but, when it’s all said an done they didn’t care about what was true . 

So I stopped the back and forth through social media because it doesn’t do anything for me or that individual it serves the purpose of bait for the toxic person who started all this mess. There is no need to convince someone that I’m right when I know they know the truth.. 

For some people a lie serves a better purpose of covering up wrong doing then to actually tell the truth and be looked at for who they really are. The real them isn’t  attractive even looking in the mirror. The real them would get looked down upon by the average person that they probably work with or spend time with  if they knew the truth ..

So of course hiding behind a lie seems like the best option.. but the truth always comes out eventually.

Honestly it’s better to let them just experience it  all themselves because they are defending wrong doing. 

Why??? Who knows why??? 

I would never defend or purposely attach myself to anybody who I’ve seen dog someone else out or mistreated someone but thats me. I’m not going to defend or attach myself permanently to someone who has lied to me when they had no reason too. A person who shows shady character and no integrity. Somethings just don’t make sense.

I just don’t have the time or energy to give to these people anymore . I know lies are gonna be told because self image has to be protected and it easier to be a victim then to self correct . Nobody wants to put two and two together and you could send them a bible of reciepts to prove yourself to be true it will do no good. 

So if you are experiencing a flying monkey. My best advice would be let them have it let them think they’re winning . Let them trash and slander you and proclaim your defeat to the world because the same person they are flying for will eventually show them their true colors … by then you will have moved on and found real happiness .

Life without toxic individuals is way better then with them.. smile and thank GOD for loving you enough to remove you from that situation!

©TheGermanBeauty

BLAST OFF

It is so exciting to actually live your dreams and not just talk about them!! 

Two years ago I stepped back in to the entertainment world after a 6 year hiatus  . My goal at that time was just to add another source of income to my life in preparation for moving to the west coast but things changed quickly. 

Knowing God the way I do if it’s not his plan he will turn your life up side down! Plans changed quickly!!! Needless to say I didn’t move. 

I God showed me that the safest place to be was Atlanta. Lucky for me Atlanta is currently little Hollywood so it makes so things are great here for new actors and aspiring artists.  For me my life revolved around modeling , but I’ve redirected to acting and I am loving every minute. 

I already have  a lot on my resume from movies, tv, and I did a two year run as a video model “not for me at all” but I tried it.

2016 was my first leading role for a Web series first featured BG role in a feature film released in theatres. I just feel so blessed right now to have these doors opening up for me . GOD shut me down for the ultimate win!! 

It’s crazy to talk face to face with actors and actresses you’ve watched on t.v and in movies and have them tell you they can see something in you. Not only that my kids are now following in MY footsteps also doing commercials and feature films as well. My youngest daughter just filmed her t.v debut  on one of the top primetime shows on B.E.T and she’s being looked at for a recurring role on another network show .

Life Is amazing right now finally seeing success with the dreams I’ve had since I was a child. God blessed me with so many talents and I allowed myself to place them on the backburner for a goal God had nothing to do with . 

I was headed in a direction for years where I had no real support for my dreams and no way to achieve them but I’m back on track now and I’m traveling..!!! 

 Something I never do cause I hate planes but guess what when you really want something and God says go you go!  No fear ! No doubt ! No questions! My team “My family” never stopped believing in me and has supported the vision so all I can see now is success success success!!

#HAMBONE

    ©TheGermanBeauty

My World !

My world is honestly better than its ever been .. because for the first time in 9years when I go to bed at night I’m not wondering about him

I’m no longer sitting around looking  for the man  I’m suppose to be married too.

I no longer have to sneak around at night and check his phone to see who he’s been texting or talking too.

I no longer have to worry about him making me into a fool that seat now belongs to you…
I don’t have to worry about the online dating sites or him sneaking around on social media

I sleep in peace, I live in peace, I can finally love and be someone’s peace.
I don’t have to hear my friends say girl you deserve better 

No more lies or 4 page apology letters

I dont have to smell the smoke or listen to every lie under the sun

It took this to get me to walk away from him but rest assured I’m definitely done

He claimed she was his $$  looks like now he’s going to be paying some 
Well that’s unless she continues to stay dumb …

 I mean you were pushing for Justice with both our girls guess you finally got some .

She knew who I was but hey for both of you it was all fun

The funny part is she’s already just like me cause you already been kicking it with a  new one …..

 she said you were a great man not knowing how you don’t give a damn about anyone but yourself 

I was seen as the enemy when I was trying to protect OUR vows, myself and OUR wealth, the seeds we planted that have now been irreversibly damaged but ….no one cared

She didn’t care about you taking care of OUR children as long as she had you there

I wonder if our daughters are going to feel that your decisions were fair

Or maybe your son but you know how it feels to be him you were never unaware 

So now she got what she wanted but you will never be true??
You have a lot to say about your father , what are your kids going to say about you 

It’s sad that you lied and denied her seed you planted .. I guess both of us tricked you none of it was ever romantic.

From what you’ve been doing behind closed doors it’s seems as if your not through 

To think you just mentioned me being barefoot and pregnant again.. I’m so glad I know you.. The real you

So if there was even a question my world is fine .. I spent way to many years with my eyes closed pretending to be blind

I prayed for years that some how we would  stay intact but nothing you can ever say or do  will get me to come back 

I LOVE MY NEW WORLD.. 

©TheGermanBeauty

GOD’S JUSTICE

Your harvest…..

GALATIANS 6: 7-9 (KJV)
7: Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 
8: For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. 
9: And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. 

GOD knows I’ve done my fair share of wrong in this life just like anyone else but at what point do you look at yourself and decide you no longer want to continue to live your life that way. I spent my late teens/ early 20’s in a physically abusive relationship and marriage I should have never entered into.  I had no idea what I was signing up for and before I could blink I was pregnant with my first child. Yes at 18  I was a legal adult but mentally I was still a child. I walked into adulthood backwards and took terrible steps on my way to where I am now but I understand that mentally I was not ready for the life changing decision I made. Those situations lead me into a chain reaction years of bad decisions and bad karma. As I came to realize  how much I needed to change my actions and began to move in a Godly direction things got a million times worse for me . Everything I knew to be true in my life fell apart. People in my life and even people that I didnt know me at all went on a mission to hurt me. I know for a fact that when you live your outside of GOD, purposely trying to destroy people you will reap whatever seed you place in the ground. So knowing that has kept me sane knowing that not only will those individuals get what’s coming to them but GOD will make sure they feel what I felt . The more I’ve self corrected and tried to be a better person the more I tried to push my way towards just living a better life for my children the more evil I’ve seen from people which has only shown me I’m headed in the right direction.

Everything you do will equal out!


Repercussions +
Consequences + long-term effects=

KARMA – The total effect of a person’s actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person’s existence, regarded as determining the person’s destiny, especially, in his next incarnation. 
 What goes around comes around. 
 Your actions all have consequences. Don’t ever be fooled into thinking that your actions don’t have consequences. Don’t think you can get away with bad choices even if you don’t seem to get “caught” Remember verse seven tells us that God cannot be mocked. He sees it all. You reap what you sow.

©TheGermanBeauty